Progress is a dance, not a sprint or a marathon

TLDR; be realistic, if it took years to create a problem, it’s going to take more than an hour to ‘fix’ it. Investing in yourself is healthy. Sometimes when you choose to do nothing, the cost can be exponential – the cost might not be money, it might be your life, or your quality of life. Life is a dance because every step has value, because self-improvement is about developing skills, not taking the ‘right’ steps from problem to solution.

• Is it a sprint?
• Is that the actual problem?
• Is it a marathon?
• Sometimes when you choose to do nothing, the cost can be (literally) exponential.
• Progress through life is a dance

No self-improvement is a quick straight line from where you are now, to where you are going. Most people know that. I see a lot of advice on the internet about people’s health and wellness journey’s or their therapy journey. Sharing these stories can be really helpful, so please keep sharing if you feel comfortable doing that! 💚💛

As someone who is often a guide during those journeys, I find I struggle with the word ‘journey’ partly because I think it’s overused or it glorifies the process. I still use ‘journey’ (mostly because I don’t have a better one, yet – please share your ideas with me! 😀 ) but I find that this word still invites the concept that even if it’s a long or meandering path, you’re travelling from start (point A) to finish (point B).

That’s rarely how it works in reality.

So, today the analogy (what we call an ‘Andi-ology’) is how progress and self growth is more like a dance than a journey.

Is it a sprint?

Some people come to me wanting a ‘sprint’ to the solution rather than a ‘journey’ – Andi, I want my problem fixed in 3 sessions or less!

Let’s be real, if your problem started a year ago, expecting to finish it in 3 sessions (3 hours), is completely unrealistic. If you broke your leg, would you expect your recovery to be 3 hours? No. The surgery itself might be longer than that!

I’ve said it before, but improving your life is a bit like cleaning the bathroom, it can be hard to accept but those months or years of neglect, can’t disappear in hours or days. That’s why we say the cost of doing nothing, is far higher than the cost of treatment.

Is that the actual problem?

Another aspect you might not have considered in your ‘sprint’ solution is, what if the problem you think you have, isn’t the actual problem? 😒 (awkward). It can mean your complex problem is actually simpler than you thought (yay!), or your simple problem is actually quite complicated (uh oh).

This is actually really common – from counselling, to coaching, to performance, to strategic HR – the identified problem people come wanting to fix isn’t the actual cause of their problems. Take a peek behind the curtain, and you’ll see us psychologists offering each other consolation and advice on how to gently bring people around to the idea that if we fix their perceived problem, their symptoms won’t actually go away as they expect them too. How to help people to see the real problem is something that competent psychologists think about and work hard to do respectfully and do well.

When we start to unpack the problem, as you are able to share more of your circumstances and your difficulties, it can confronting to consider that you might need to face a different problem – or the same problem, but with a different name. This is especially challenging when you spent so much time identifying what you think the issue is, and proud of all your hard work, only to be told, ‘well actually, that might not be why’. 😲

Here’s a common example: client presented with relationship difficulties, crying all the time and feeling unattractive and unloved. Believed problem: relationship and communication issues, self esteem issues, post partum depression. Client wanted couples counselling and antidepressant medication. Actual problem: severe sleep-deprivation after two closely timed births, and malnutrition. Treated with sleep psycho-education given to both parents (‘sleep is not the enemy’), and B12 and iron supplements, along with a varied diet provided on dietician advice.

Here’s an uncommon example: client presented with panic, suddenly waking in the middle of the night and seemingly random experiences of heart racing and palpitations. Believed problem: sudden onset panic and anxiety disorders. Treated with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and given antianxiety medication. Actual problem: when sent for a brain CT, came back with a non-cancerous tumour pressing on the adrenal gland. Treated for trauma from the initial misdiagnosis, and post-surgery management.

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Is it a marathon?

For some people I can say the word ‘journey’ and they expect their progress to be convoluted. They expect a ‘side quest’ will pop up, or that they might be going down the ‘wrong path’, or maybe they are already lost and need a guide (therapy) to help get back on the ‘right’ path.

This assumes that your journey is a marathon: there’s a ‘right path’, only one, and that’s the one that you need to get to if you are lost or struggling to find or the one you’re struggling to stay on.

The problem with this perception is that all your side quests, detours, or ‘wrong’ paths, feel like steps backwards, or wasted time and effort. Clients often tell me they feel that they have ‘wasted time’ on someone or something. I felt that way myself a few times, so I definitely feel you BUT that’s old (perfectionist) me thinking. New me, (reformed perfectionist) knows that’s not how self improvement and self growth works.

In my humble, and somewhat biased, opinion self improvement and self growth, including therapy, should be part of everyone’s life.

Therapy for your mind and body

Self growth, including therapy should be part of everyone’s life because we already do a whole bunch of things as a ‘proactive’ or ‘protective’ health, or ‘self-improvement’. For example, visiting the dentist for a check-up. Let’s face it it’s going to take you (a non dentist) a really long time to work out that there’s something actually wrong with your teeth, and if you wait until you notice it, it’s probably going to be a way bigger problem. A dentist on the other hand, can probably tell at a glance; it’s literally their job, their area of knowledge and expertise.

Do you know the difference between a cavity and a root canal? TIME. Fixing a cavity could cost AU$300, but but if you leave a cavity too long, it becomes a root canal, which could cost AU$4,760. You’re essentially adding a zero to the price!

Sometimes when you choose to do nothing, the cost can be (literally) exponential.

Sometimes the cost of doing nothing isn’t money, it’s life, or quality of life. For example, only going to the doctor when you know that you’re sick.

Did you know that prostate cancer can be identified using a simple blood test? Early prostate cancer has no symptoms. By the time you notice symptoms of prostate cancer, it’s probably advanced. Prognosis for someone with early prostate cancer is 100% chance of living 5+ years; advanced stage it’s 28%. That’s just life years, not even measuring quality of life.

The point is: if symptoms are so severe that you as a novice (who is not familiar with what symptoms are) has noticed them, you went past the point in time where an expert who does know early warning signs would notice them.

That’s why checking in with your brain by chatting with a psychologist is just as important as other preventative health that you do for the rest of your body.

Progress through life is a dance

From my perspective your therapy progress, or general self growth in life, isn’t a journey: it’s a dance.

It’s a dance because a dance happens in many different contexts with many different songs. In some cases there’s a particular song and a particular way to dance traditionally speaking, but that doesn’t mean that’s the only way a dance has to happen. (Borrowing from Strictly Ballroom here, and not even sorry about it haha 😉)

More importantly, no dancer who takes a sides step or a back step on a dance floor thinks that they’re going backwards in their progress, or away from their ultimate goal. In a dance it is expected that you move sideways and backwards and spin 360 and whatever else, because the purpose of the dance is to move to the beat, to move through the song, whilst trying to express yourself. As time passes, you may get better at it or do it differently, but regardless of the direction you’re moving or how fast you move, you are closer to completing your dance.

That’s why life, and self-improvement like therapy being part of your life, or at least part of a healthy approach to achieving your best life, is a dance.

The tempo of the song may change, your confidence in how you move may change, and your actual competence in certain dance moves will improve over time with practice. In the same way, the circumstances of your life may change, your confidence in your decisions may change, and your skills in making decisions or feeling better about about yourself will improve with therapy.

Therapy is just life skills for your brain.

Mastery is just 10,000 hours at any particular skill or goal you are trying to achieve. How many hours have you invested into being a better version of you?

Life is a dance but just remember you don’t have to dance alone.

You don’t have to learn how to dance without help. You can have a dance instructor or coach to help guide you through some of life small complicated dance steps.

Obviously, I recommend psychologists as qualified guides for your health, skills, and life coaching. But friends and family can sometimes be helpful too. BUT if your family doesn’t know the difference between marginal and subgingival plaque, maybe don’t rely on their advice for your teeth. BUT If a friend doesn’t know the difference between the frontal and temporal lobes, maybe don’t rely on their advice for your brain.

“Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something.”

William Goldman

You don’t need to invest a lot of money to access self-improvement, just be wise about how you spend it and whose advice you invest in. Check out my list of free online resources provided by professionals – tell me if I’ve missed any!

If you are starting to experience difficulties at work or at home, waiting until things get worse can cost you more than money. Help is available, and you definitely aren’t alone (even if it feels that way). 💚💛 Please talk to someone, like a free crisis service. If you want to talk to Andi, book online now or contact us.

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