Holidays are here!

Written by Andi (Amanda) Williams, Principal Psychologist. Known for Keeping the Socratic Method Alive. Known for analogies or ‘Andi-ologies’.

This article was written by the author without AI; it’s a natural product made from recycled electrons, and any errors in tact, or fact, are transmission errors made by the electrons.

This is a hectic time of year. Hosting gatherings, finding the right presents or ‘presence’ (shared experiences) for your loved ones. It’s the thought that counts, so putting thought into it is the most important part!

In my professional and personal experience, people tend to experience the holidays differently, and while there’s always a spectrum, people tend to describe it to me as either the best time of year, or the worst time of year.

For many of you, this time is filled with loved ones and gifts. 🎄✨ A joy-filled holiday season is a great way to refill those emotional energy batteries. After almost a year founding Everyone Psychology, my own batteries could definitely use a refill too!

For many of you, this is a difficult time. You aren’t alone – these are some examples of why life can be difficult during the holidays:

You may have lost a loved one recently, and this is your first Xmas without them
You are travelling or living far away from family, and you feel lonely
You’re single, or your partner is away, and you feel lonely
You may be a parent with small children, and feeling considerable pressure to make the experience ‘perfect’
You have family members who tend to create stress during the holiday season
You may have recently decided to cut contact with some toxic family, and now you are second-guessing that decision

If you are having a difficult time this holiday season, here’s what someone who deeply cares about your wellbeing might say:

If your biological family haven’t been supportive in the past and you’ve chosen to cut them from your life, trust that decision. Reconnecting for the holidays might be the advice you get from fortunate persons with with ‘happy families’, but respect that your decision was hard fought and hard won. Stay strong. 💚💛
Don’t forget that friends are the family you choose. If your friends know you don’t have holiday plans, they might make plans to see you, or invite you to join their plans. Give them the gift of allowing them to help you, and let them show you the love that you would show them in kind.
We can explain behaviour without excusing it. (I repeat this mantra multiple times a week – as many of my clients know!) Being purposefully or inconsiderately hurtful to others is never ok, explanations help us understand and prevent repetition, it does not excuse behaviour. You don’t have to be around those who are purposefully or inconsiderately hurtful, and who do so repeatedly.
You can’t be perfect, trying only hurts everyone, especially you. Find joy these holidays, not perfection. Please don’t let others expectations of you define how you treat yourself.
‘Blood is thicker than water‘, is sometimes a phrase used by toxic people to manipulate you. Just because you are biologically related to someone, doesn’t mean they get to treat you however they want. Respond (internally or out loud) with, ‘no, family is, as family does‘. In essence, this means that family only expect of you what they are willing to offer you in return. If they treat you with unconditional love and respect, you can offer the same, and you’re golden. If they expect that you ‘do’ something they don’t offer in return, sorry, but that’s not family.
Parenting is hard. Respectfully, you are going to mess up your kid in some way, we all do, even psychologist, accept it now and focus on ‘progress not perfection’ (this is another mantra I say almost daily 🤣). Please remember, you’re trying to parent a complete stranger, so you aren’t going to get it right all the time. Accept it now, and please stop trying to be a perfect parent. Christmas is a time for giving and love, that’s all your kids need right now. Perfect families, clean homes, and happy photos don’t need to be a priority. Your kid is fed, housed, clothed, and loved? Don’t worry, you’re a great parent. You got this. (Clean is important too – but once a day is fine. Mud pies are fun!)
Don’t forget to take some time for yourself to reflect on the year you’ve had, and the progress you’ve made. You’re an amazing person!

If you are struggling this festive season, please reach out to a crisis hotline. If you want to get a head start on improving your health and wellbeing into the new year, here are some free online resources to get you started. It’s never too early to start taking care of yourself, or start a new habit to take care of yourself better!

A final note

To my lovely clients; as always, I feel incredibly humbled to be a part of your efforts in achieving better health and well-being. It’s a pleasure to work with you on your goals! 💚💛

On behalf of the team here at Everyone Psychology, I sincerely wish everyone a festive holiday season, and a happy new year 🎉

If you are starting to experience difficulties at work or at home, waiting until things get worse can cost you more than money. Help is available, and you definitely aren’t alone (even if it feels that way). 💚💛 Please talk to someone, like a free crisis service. If you want to talk to Andi, book online now or contact us.

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Holidays are here!

A final note

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